What am I trying to prove?

Right now, I am sitting with my daughter, rocking her in her room, and I am stressed out.

Stressed because I had 2 mini snicker bars and coffee with creamer today...and a quarter of Logan's cookie from Panera.

Stressed because I was going to have both kids in bed by 7:30. Had this little girl in bed by 7:20, kindergartner by 7:30, then baby woke up, so been rocking her on and off (because of course bedtime = party time to babies!) so now it is 7:55 and I'm still here.

Stressed because I wanted to get up at 5am to do a quick work out and the baby woke up at 4am and fell back asleep at 5:15 and I did too, so no work out happened. 

Stressed because I wanted to squeeze in a 30 minute work out, clean bottles, and pack lunches for tomorrow (and start studying for my GRE) before my husband gets home.

Why am I so stressed about my body?

As a woman in her early 30's I have this desire to have my body bounce back to where it was pre-baby, or even in my 20's. I have joined the 21 day fix, been done with the fix so let loose a little more (i.e. Not working out daily) and joined it again this week and I feel so much pressure. I've worked out once, and had zero shakes this week. All to have my "body back." To not gain weight. To not eat donuts or cookies or anything that is remotely bad. I mean, I'm not upset with my body, it could be better. I could be a size 4 like I used to be, instead of a size 8. I would prefer that. But that was easy to do when I had no kids and my pelvic bones hadn't rearranged themselves to carry a child.. I went from taking care of me to taking care of 2. I HAD A BABY and that is pretty darn awesome.

I've read a lot of posts like this so this is therapeutic to write one of my own.  Because for real...what am I trying to prove? And to who? My husband loves me. My kids love me. And I am happy. 
So forget my work out tonight. Forget the shake I'm supposed to have (after I wrote this my husband asked if I wanted DQ and I said "yes!" Because hello, Pumpkin Pie blizzards are back!) 
I wish I could do the 5am work outs, and be motivated, like some moms, to always squeeze in that time. I know what a release a run or work out can be, and I love that. But, I also wish that I didn't have to work full time and feel guilty giving up my valuable time with them to exercise. 
Screw the pressure and the stress. I'm going to cuddle my baby girl extra long, because she will be one in a few weeks. The bottles will be washed. My sanity will still be in check. And tomorrow is a new day.

PS - This post is in NO WAY meant to slam the 21 Day Fix! I actually love the program and love all it has to offer!!


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