Guilt. Alternate title: I never thought I would be this obsessed with poop.

What a week this has been. For the past week, my little miss ZoZo has had a gastroenteritis something fierce.  I took her into the doctor last Tuesday as she was also running a fever, and then again on Saturday morning after a few sleepless nights of tummy pains, diarrhea (should I even utter that online??) and diaper rash. She is eating and drinking like a champ, so we have that - and her disposition is generally happy.

But as I sit at work, I cannot help it but feel an extreme amount of guilt that I am not with her right now. My daycare is absolutely awesome. One of the teacher's sends me "snaps" during the day of Zoey, and keeps me updated if there is something that we are worried about. And right now, that worry is what is happening in that tummy and diaper of hers. I feel awful that daycare has to deal with all of her diapers, and that I am recommending new things to try. I wish I could just go and pick her up and take care of her and ultimately, just stay home with her - but I can't.

I've had this internal struggle lately, like I want to quit my job to stay home with my kids (financially that is not possible right now), but I also think that if I were to do that, some day when I went back to work, would I be able to get a position I enjoy again? I mean, I don't know if any of this is legitimate truth, but it is a thought, right?

I see friends of mine through Facebook and Instagram hitting up pools and play dates with their kiddos, and I want to do that too. I don't want to wait for the weekend or after 6pm to do these activities, I want to do them on a week day when I have time on my side. I know, stay at home moms, that there is more then just the happy Instagram pictures - you deal with the fighting, the whining, the housework, dinner prep, etc - but for me - sitting at my desk, worrying about my daughter's red (so red) rash on her butt, anything seems better then counting the minutes on my clock at work until we can be reunited.

I am trying to kick off a Mary Kay business to help build our income, and hopefully help me to have options as to what I want to do in the future. I also am looking, rather intensely, for a part time job so maybe I can have some portion of this "best of both worlds."

Mostly, I'm trying to realize that this is a season. My kids are being well taken care of by the wonderful people of the YMCA, and we never know what might be waiting next for me around the corner.

Comments

  1. TaraJuly 26, 2016 at 1:49 PM

    Working full time or staying at home full time is all hard. It's hard to be a mom! And you are a great one!

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousAugust 1, 2016 at 12:36 AM

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete

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