The Mended Pieces

Every time I sit down to write, because I just love to write, I then get bogged down with this idea that I need a plan. I need to lay out how I want this blog to go, what I am going to discuss, instead of it just being a forum of "life happening." Because...Life. Is. Happening. The last time I sat down to write I had a 4 month old. Today - I sit here with a 9 month old. The last time I sat down to write I was still trying to get in the swing of things of balancing work, life - mom life (to a 5 year old and baby), wife life - and I am still deep in the throes of that. I think what I figured out, and I continually figure out is that there is NO GOOD TIME TO JUST SIT DOWN AND WRITE. And then the next piece comes along with thoughts of "who is going to read this," or "am I too whiny?" or "is someone going to use this information against me?"  And then I remember - I already have gone down that road. At an old job I had, someone who used...

Every few days, since having a baby, I seem to go through this "how do I do everything that I want to do?" I usually cry erratically, have no desire to put my 5 month old down, and downright just want to hibernate! No, this is not postpartum depression, this is called "being a mom." Being a mom is incredibly rewarding, but it is also overwhelming, humbling, and messily wonderful. My expectations have changed drastically (read - LOWERED) when it comes to myself and my house, but have risen in other aspects (sorry husband!). I have read article after article about how stay at home moms are jealous of us working moms, and the same vice versa. I can tell you, from my viewpoint as a working mom that I do not know how I can do it all. My sense of cleanliness has plummeted. When I had my daughter I do not think my house was cleaned for about 2 months (ok...maybe more). I might clean a toilet here or there, or sweep the kitchen, but really cleaned? That was for the bird...

I didn’t plan to get divorced. It wasn’t part of the “plan” I “foresaw” for my life. I held onto my marriage for as long as I could. Faked my way through being happy, pretending everything was hunky-dory, even made up some stories along the way to make people think that I was ok, that our marriage was good. I told everyone how the first year of marriage was hard, but it seemed to get better in year two or three. If I’m being honest, that was a lie. It never got better. There were good days, maybe even a good week, but never a good “year.” It never got better. I told myself he needed to finish grad school, find a new job, we needed to add to our family, make more money – then finally, we would be ok, but it didn’t seem to come. I never told you about the tears. The anxiety. The pain. I never told you about how I would pray that the next year, the next month, the next week, the next day, the next hour – would be better. I would cry in the bathroom, the closet, next ...

 One year ago this week, my divorce was finalized. One year ago, and within the next 3 weeks, I was engaged to a widower. A lot of life has happened in the past 2 years and I am just beginning to catch up. I was remarried in May 2015, had my beautiful baby girl in September 2015 - and am now mother to a 5 year old and 3 month old. Life....the minutes on the clock...just tick tick tick. And here I am today - a result of the mended pieces with so much life in front of me, and so much, oh so much, behind me. This forum is for me to release all that has happened in my past, and how to deal with where things are at. My family situation is interesting, and one that you cannot find a lot about. I married a widower and I am also a result of a fairly young divorce. I created this blog a little while back in different blogging tools, and even wrote a first post, as I love to express myself through writing. It has taken me until today to feel like I can air what I want to air. Kn...